As I reflect on almost a month of living in Germany, these past few weeks have simultaneously been the busiest and most empty days of my life. I’ve been having the time of my live; exploring the North-Rhein Westphalia region, getting settled into my work routine, and adjusting to the European lifestyle. I’ve already been able to go to Oktoberfest, Düssledorf, Essen, and I’m about to go on a two week vacation around the neighboring countries. I’m also lucky enough to really love my school. My mentor teacher has been incredibly helpful and all of the teachers have been incredibly friendly and welcoming. I still don’t quite know what I’m doing in the classroom or how to meaningfully educate students aged 10-18 on the ‘American experience,’ but the students seem to like me and I’m at least starting to have a routine. It helps that most of the students and their opinions of the U.S. are absolutely hilarious and we can easily fill the class hours with just their strange, TikTok-motivated questions alone.
But it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows exactly either. I knew such a massive change would be an adjustment, but I’ve definitely found myself exceedingly overwhelmed and lonely over the past few weeks as well. Adjusting to the language has been—expectedly—the hardest part. While I feel myself getting better with every week and every interaction, I still haven’t been able to shake the perpetual anxiety I feel about speaking incorrectly in any social interaction. I’ve also had to face the almost comically harsh realization that I literally do not know how to function with this much freetime. Working only 12 hours a week is a dream, and I feel so lucky to have so much time to explore the world and make the most of this experience. But I must admit that going from the near constant durge of college to-dos, to almost complete independence and free time is a harder adjustment than I expected. I finally have time to do the things that I want to do in my life, but I’ve found myself simply sitting around paralyzed by the realization that I’ve never even had enough time to figure out what those things might be in the first place. I have had no idea how or where to start.
Though, truly, every week gets easier. I’m finally navigating the DeutscheBahn with somewhat ease and I actually know where my grocery store and post office are. I’m finding my local coffee shops and making friends from my program around the area. I’m also incredibly lucky to have a great group house set up and incredibly helpful and kind roommates. I’m still navigating a lot of loneliness, but I am finding ways to fill my time and putting myself out there to get involved in community activities around the area. Admittedly, the Fulbright Program has given us some great advice and resources on culture shock that have been helping me feel more okay with how I’m feeling as well, which I really appreciate (even if they still haven’t been able to give us our paychecks). I’m trying to just take everything day by day and enjoy this incredible experience as it comes. I think in some ways it still hasn’t even set in that this is my life yet; it still feels like I’m due to head back home to “real life” any day now.